Don't Get Me Started on Last Year's Cabo Trip // I'm Telling You, T. J. Max is a Lifesaver

10:30 AM—Sarah Lawrence College Gym—Ladies Locker Room.

I hear a gaggles of voices as the Women’s Swimming Group walk into the locker room from the pool. I turn on my shower quickly, knowing soon the hot water will soon become scarce. The voices rise with laughter and chatter, non-distinguishable until a couple of the flock separate into the shower area.

Shower 1: Diane! Can I borrow some shampoo? I forgot mine!

Shower 3: Yeah, sure. Here you go. Cute swimsuit, by the way.

Shower 1: Thanks! Oh, you like the suit? T. J. Max. 20 bucks. I'm telling you! Great deal! I’m getting my hair colored today and I know you’re not supposed to shampoo your hair, but I also don’t want to chlorine to keep the color from penetrating.

Shower 4: Oh, I know. Do you shower at night, too? the chlorine stays on even after I shower here in the morning.

Shower 3: Yes! It does. I can taste it on my skin even!

Shower 1: Oh, how does your husband feel about that?

Showers 1, 3, 4: [giggles]

Shower 1: I can’t get the water hot, can anyone get hot water?

Shower 4: Oh, guys, Marissa’s birthday next week, so we should all do something for her.

Shower 3: How old will she be?

Shower 4: She’s turning the Big 5-0!

Shower 3: How old are you, Susie?

Shower 4: Me? Oh I just turned 45.

Shower 3: you do not look 45. I would have said 38.

Shower 4: Well, you know, my mother looked young for her age. I’m telling you, things start slowing down after 40.

Shower 1: [shouting] Who slows down?

Shower 4: I said the BODY. The body slows down.

Shower 1: I don’t get that. Maybe it’s because my MIND is slowing down!

Shower 3: Susie, things will pick up after you get the last kid outta the house!

Shower 4: Oh, I hope so!

Shower 3: Besides, we ALL look young, don’t you think?

Shower 1: Yeah but my hair, you know, if I didn’t color it, the gray would make me feel older.

All Showers: (silence, sound of running water)

[Locker / Changing Area]

{One woman, previously Shower 3, opens Locker 3, drops her towels, grabs underwear. Turns around to Shower 4, who stands by Locker 4.}

Locker 3: (pulling underwear up) Susie, what is in your husband in?

Locker 4: (putting lotion of her legs) He has a joint venture company.

Locker 3: Can I have some lotion? Oh, that must be hard right now.

Locker 4: Sure, here you go. It’s great for your skin. Yes. Since it’s with small business, there are fire alarms going off every day. I tell you! What about your husband?

Locker 3: (puts on bra) He owns a law firm.

Locker 4: (now in jeans and bra) Oh, really? How is that right now?

Locker 3: We’ve been lucky. It’s the bigger firms letting people go.

Locker 4: Oh, it’s just hard on everyone right now. Everyone’s suffering.

Locker 3: It is. It is. So hard

[Shower 1 walks in, shaking her hair with towel, stands by Locker 1]

Locker 1: [still shaking wet hair] Diane, you and the kids going away for spring break?

Locker 3: We’re going to St. Thomas!

Locker 4: Nice! Oh, that’s so nice. All inclusive?

Locker 3: Yes! We couldn’t decide between skiing and the Caribbean, but this winter has just been brutal!

Locker 1: I’m telling you, All Inclusive is the only way to go with kids. I mean, otherwise it’s just too difficult and expensive!

Locker 3: I know. Don’t even get me started on last year’s Cabo trip with the boys! John wanted to golf the whole time and the boys were bored to death! I was dying! I thought to myself, “well THIS will never happen again! What a waste of money!”

Locker 1: Can anyone lend me a blow-dryer? I forgot mine!

Locker 4: Here you go. Oh, I love those jeans!

Locker 1: Aren’t they great?! I’m telling you, T. J. Max is a life saver!


***This was this morning. Interesting Group. They always have funny stories and dialogues. And let me tell you, believe it or not, most of these women (who I regularly see walking about naked) have better bodies than I do! Of course, they have a lot of time of their hands to work out….Shower / Locker 1 character is hilarious. Always loud and eccentric and talking about the latest deal she found at market or T. J. Max or online catalogues. I get the sense that she kind of annoys the other women, but they have to put up with her because she’s in the “group.” There’s also another Swimming Group that consists of the older women…60’s and 70’s. Now THEY have some HILARIOUS conversations. And sometimes they even start talking to me while I’m trying to change…they do not respect personal space, regardless of if you’re clothes or not. And sometimes, the older group will talk about you like you’re not standing next to them. For example, just last week:

Livvy: Oh, Maureen, look at her (points to me, while I’m hovering in a corner, trying to put on my bra) She has a tattoo!

Maureen: Really? (looks at me) Honey, what is that tattoo?

Me: (with bra successfully on, turning around to grab shirt) umm, uhh, a rose type thing

Livvy: A rose! Maureen, did you hear that? A rose!

Maureen: Yes, yes. Oh, dear. Have you ever been to Ireland?

****